Let's (Not) Get Cynical.

There is a phenomenon that has been going on in my life for a while now. I'm not sure if this is a virus that is spreading to my generation, or if it is something that happens to all people around this age or stage of life. I do know that sometimes it has felt completely in my control, a useful weapon keeping me from falling into a pit; other times it has snuck in and seemed to infiltrate down to my blood vessels until it felt like I was spending my days trudging through fog and...peanut butter. Or something that would be equally difficult to walk through to accomplish anything.

Cynicism.

Cynicism is a tricky line between discernment and despair. At least in discernment there is wisdom. At least in despair there can often be a thread of humility, a sense of relinquishing control. Cynicism is right in the stoic, immovable, and invisible middle of these two things.

If you have ever known me well, you most likely wouldn't associate this term with me. Most of my life has been spent in bubbly optimism, probably to the point of annoyance for some. I would wear my JESUS shirt to concurrent classes at SWOSU and preach to the smokers before class and go to Falls Creek and cry on Friday night harder than anyone else. Hope for the future was my lifeblood. It oozed out of me the way we ooze out carbon dioxide. The problem with being too hopeful is that when you are let down, it cuts a lot deeper. The fallen world we live in is practically constructed of disappointment, and for even the bubbliest, it doesn't take long to be worn down to a misanthropic stump.

In case you didn't believe me about the JESUS shirt. Or the bubbly optimism.

I've been sticking with a summer devotional through the book of Psalms set up by Reaching Her (you can like them on Facebook here). Yesterday I read Psalm 74, and these two verses immediately jumped out at me:

"Yet God my king is from of old, 
working salvation in the midst of the earth." 
Psalm 74:12, ESV (emphasis mine)

"Yours is the day, yours also the night."
Psalm 74:16, ESV (emphasis mine)

And today, right on the brink of tears and begging God to help me not give up on people, I read this:

"We give thanks to you, O God, for your name is near. 
We recount your wondrous deeds. 
'At the set time I will appoint
I will judge with equity.
When the earth totters 
and all its inhabitants,
it is I who keep steady its pillars.' "
Psalm 75:1-3, ESV (emphasis mine)

We can't have hope or faith in the world. We can't, and shouldn't. However, we can have faith in God, the king working in the midst of it. We can have faith in God, without beginning, who has been keeping steady our tottering earth and people since He spoke it into existence. Whether the day is bright and shining or dark and hopeless, it is His. God doesn't need my unrealistic elation or my pouting doubt, but He does expect my obedient trust in Him.

Dear brothers and sisters in Christ, we can wait expectantly for the redemption of all things that is happening, and will reach its fullness soon. Do not hold too tightly to hope. Do not hold too tightly to despair. Hold to our King of old, who holds all like it weighs nothing. I can't promise that everything will be all right in this lifetime, but Christ has promised that everything is going to be perfect, because He is.

The Best Marriage Advice I Ever Received, Ever.

Okay, so I wrote a little blog post a while back inspired by a few things I have learned in the almost five and a half years Blake and I have been together. Some of this advice was taught, some was learned from that toughest teacher, experience. You can read that post here if you like (warning: if you don't like snarky, well...it's snarky).

There have been quite a few friends and acquaintances who have gotten married since Blake and I have, and others in my life who have had questions about weddings and marriages and doing life with the one you love. In the moment, I often feel the room and try to offer advice or just something I wish someone would have told me when I was in their position based on the person or people asking. I especially offer advice I received that I actually applied successfully to my marriage: praying specific things for your spouse and for their walk with Christ, not just "la la la help my husband in traffic today" (not that I'm saying that isn't valid, I'm just saying you could also pray that revealing billboards be miraculously blown away by an extremely well aimed tornado to protect your husband's eyes from the blatant sexuality forced onto our culture--you know, like, really specific), looking for the things your husband cares about and making a point to do those things for him (if Blake just spent an hour cleaning and mopping our floors, and I drop food, I will pick it up and throw it away and not kick it under the fridge like most of us would do), look in their eyes and tell them you love them or that you would still say "I do" today, every single day (it doesn't have to be those exact words, just validate them every day).

All of these and so much more are great advice, but it was advice that I heard from several sources. If and when someone asks for advice, I think they are hoping for an "AHA!" piece of advice that is going to work as a force field for their marriage for the rest of their lives. Or, at least, I hoped that some nugget of wisdom like that existed somewhere.

When Blake and I got engaged, we were doing youth ministry at Faith Baptist Church in Harrah, Oklahoma. Once a week, before Wednesday night activities, we would meet--Blake with our pastor, Dan, and I with his wife, Gayle. She gave me so much great advice that I will often flip back to in my mental Gayle-wisdom flash cards. One Wednesday, she gave me literally the best marriage advice I ever received, ever. While hers was especially directed with the underlying pressure of being a couple involved in ministry, this applies to even the most atheist of couples if you want to protect your marriage from bitterness.

Do not speak badly about your spouse. Even if you're "joking." Even if someone else started it. Even if you're really mad at them. 

Now, don't be fake or weird about it. Sometimes that just means not bringing your spouse up in a conversation where you know you could easily derail into a vent session that goes way too far. She said I should find a person that I could talk to about hurt feelings or what have you that could serve as an unbiased source--someone who cares for both Blake and me, who can listen without blindly assuming all of the things I would probably be assuming.

But here's the part she didn't tell me that I learned after applying this lesson: if Blake did something that hurt my feelings, and I followed this advice, pretty soon I found out that if I wanted to express those feelings in a way that honored Blake, I would have to find a way to talk to him about it. The catch was that, though there were people in my life I could probably trust with my feelings, I couldn't necessarily trust them to be unbiased. It also made me realize that whatever I felt was often so reactionary that by the time I sat and thought through who to talk to or where to start, I wasn't very upset about it any more. Once the drama of the moment had subsided, I could go to Blake and express my feelings sincerely but in a way that was clear and not condemning. So, we got to the whole kissing and making up thing a lot faster, which everyone knows is the best part about "communicating."

Another piece to this lesson reminds me a little bit of that old Native American parable about the two wolves that live and battle inside us: good and bad, and the one that you feed wins (Tomorrowland totally ripped off Native Americans on that reference, by the way)(or maybe it isn't Native American and the internet just happened to say it was Native American but it actually originated somewhere else). If you don't allow your bad feelings of your spouse free reign over your conversations, the bad feelings starve, leaving room for the good feelings to thrive. To me, this isn't living in denial of real struggles and conflict in relationships, but choosing to act in love toward your spouse rather than reacting in contempt.

I have tried applying this advice in other areas of my life besides marriage as well. I can say with certainty that I need more practice (sometimes you just call your mom or word vomit on whoever happens to ask how you're doing at an inopportune moment because you are kind of an open book and have a lot of feelings and WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE SOMETIMES?). Being a "giver" personality type often translates to giving too much information. Speaking of giving too much information, I have another favorite piece of advice, but it isn't exactly blog appropriate, so you will just have to ask me in person. Also, I reserve the right to withhold this advice from you if I deem you unable to responsibly handle the information.

I hope that, for some, this could be your "AHA!" advice that helps you enter your marriage more readily, or turn a corner in a marriage that has maybe had a hint of bitterness in it lately. When marriage gets tough, it's okay to be hurt and need help. It isn't okay to get resentful and give up on intimacy and tenderness--you might be surprised to know that some of the most loving and flourishing marriages have been dragged through some really ugly stuff. And please, if you are having marriage issues that involve any sort of abuse, ignore everything before this sentence and find help (City Rescue Mission, National Domestic Abuse Hotline).

Thanks for reading, everyone!

A Transition Piece (Mostly About My Feelings)

A lot of people have been asking me about how the transition around here has been going thus far. In case you missed my last post, you can catch up here. Long story short, we now have six teenage boys in the Liddell house. Thanks to the monumental weekly grocery shopping, I think I may be getting teeny tiny biceps and triceps.

In regards to the kind of transitions you are probably actually interested in--as in, not how my arm gains are going--I will say that if every week during the summer goes like this week has gone, we are going to be a-okay. There has been minute drama here and there, but with nine people in the house, that's to be expected. The two boys who moved in from the McClendon house have adjusted really well thus far. Part of this could be because they are mainly thinking about getting school over with, or a host of other reasons, but I am thankful for their great attitudes and glad they are here. I like the feeling of our house being full. It feels like everyone is working as a team.

Honestly, my biggest obstacle today is figuring out how to get Adeline to stop saying "Crap!" every time she drops something. (P.S. I am definitely going to blame one of my six teenagers or my husband or one of her aunts and uncles and not myself for this problem). She also has learned the word "fart," and I know that wasn't me. I prefer for kids under the age of twelve to use the word "poot" or "toot" to describe gastrointestinal phenomena, especially if it's being discussed at Walmart.

I am breaking my train of thought here to tell you that we just had an angel and her little angels stop by and give us three paper sacks FULL of girl scout cookies. For free. So, as I happily munch on my Savannah Smiles cookies, I'll get back to what I was saying about transitions.

I wasn't exactly sure what to expect once we had six boys with us. My nervousness was mostly a result of feeling like I should be nervous, but I felt an overwhelming peace about the whole thing. If there is anything I have learned as a Christ follower, it is that God is God and I am not. Time spent worrying is often time spent wasted that could have been used for God to prepare me and teach me for what is to come. That doesn't mean I always apply this lesson perfectly to my life, it's just one that I have learned and relearn a lot. Our job requires a lot of flexibility and understanding who is in control (spoiler alert: it isn't me, and it isn't you). Sometimes, I operate best when I literally walk into a situation, simultaneously and mysteriously humbled and confident all at once, and say to myself, "I have no idea what I am doing, but God is God and I am not." That is how I have been operating all week. Confident in what God is doing, humbled that I get to be a part of it, and praying. Always praying for our guys.

Here is where I get to brag on the fact that one of our guys got an award for his great work in math at the school awards assembly. Considering the homework struggle in our house, this was really exciting.

Well, everyone, I just wanted to catch you all up on how things are going and how we are feeling. Or, mainly how I am feeling. Because I am all about feelings, I would go on, but I have to get started on the stuffed french bread we are having for dinner (psst, it has cream of mushroom in it, don't tell the guys).

What Has Been/Is Happening at Willow Springs

Hello, beloved Willow Springs supporters and readers! I have been thinking and praying about this particular post for quite a while now, especially in regards to when would be the best time to make all of the upcoming changes around Willow Springs known to the general public. Some of you have been informed individually about what has been and is happening at the ranch at the end of this week, and now seems like a good time to fully explain all that is going on and how you can continue to support us.

As most of you know by now, there are two houses on the Willow Springs property that house boys: the McClendon House and the Liddell House. Blake and I reside in the Liddell house with our four boys, and Jon and Whitney reside in the McClendon House with their two boys. When a couple applies to become house parents here at Willow Springs, they commit to being house parents for two years. Jon and Whitney became house parents in June of 2013, and as their first two years have wound down, they feel that God is leading them to continue in ministry in South OKC. J&W will be moving in the next couple of weeks back to Oklahoma City, and the two boys that currently live in their house will be moving into our house this coming Mother's Day Sunday.

For the time being, the Mac House will be closing its doors and receiving renovations. The sooner funds are available and the renovations are finished, the sooner the house can reopen. Until then, however, Blake and I will be the only full time house parents at Willow Springs, with six boys in our house. One boy will be returning home sometime in the beginning of June, as his story has been one of success and victory, and he is ready to reacclimate to life at home with his parents.

In this time of transition, please know that anything you do to support us will be received with complete joy and gratitude. Please think of us in your prayers, and intercede on our behalf for these things:

• Provision and peace for all of the guys--but also especially for the two moving into our house--as they navigate through transitions and goodbyes 
• An abundance of energy and grace for all of the staff as we work together through these changes
• For relationships to flourish in our house 
• For generous donors to give towards needs such as renovations for the Mac House as well as for basic living provisions to be met (groceries, bills, gas, etc.)
• For the guys' hearts to continue to be pliable to the movement of the Holy Spirit; even in what has seemed like a season of hard conversations and all of the sucky parts of parenting, there has been a current of God's movement perpetually eroding away rough exteriors of hard hearts in our house. It is not a clean or easy process by any means, but it is a process we have full faith that God will complete and bring to fruition. 

For our fellow First Baptist Chandler church members who are wondering where we have been, Blake and I are still filling in leading worship for a church in Edmond several Sundays out of the year. We miss you and are looking forward to seeing you all at church again soon. We are so grateful for your unwavering support in our presence and our absence! 

Once again, and always and forever, thank you for reading, praying, caring, investing, and everything you do to support Willow Springs!

Calling All Prayer Warriors

Well, everyone, there has been a lot happening in the Liddell house, and at Willow Springs in general: some good stuff, some really discouraging stuff. There's an element to this work in which we certainly feel the spiritual attack of the enemy, and there's also just the fact that ministry gets messy. We have dealt with spiritual and/or physical sickness almost constantly since the New Year started. Amidst the problems have come many victories. I am just amazed and so proud of the work that Blake especially has been doing with the boys; after hours long conversations and life lessons and everything else that he does, even when he falls asleep completely spent and worn out, he wakes up ready to do it all again. God's grace is more than sufficient for us--it's our lifeblood.

Right now at Willow Springs, we have four boys in the Liddell house and two boys in the Mac house. I think we--the Willow Springs employees, collectively--have been doing constant heart work with our guys since Christmas. I mean constant. Anyone with teenagers knows this can be an exhausting pursuit, and anyone with teenage boys understands how fruitless it can feel. However, we know that the Holy Spirit is working here, and what feels fruitless one day miraculously transforms and materializes into whatever end God was working toward all along. Until we see this transformation, we strive in faith to meet needs and impart wisdom in the lives of all of the boys that come through our doors.

The WSBR team is six families whose lives are woven into this ministry, and whose hearts break over and over for the boys we have (and have had and may have some day). We struggle through all sorts of problems and questions during our staff meetings, and rejoice over the prayers God answers. It is a small, intimate ministry having a part in God's bigger plan of redemption and restoration for all people to Him. And who can even fathom how far God's work at Willow Springs Boys Ranch could reach? Not me, especially on the days when I can't even see how far one day's work could reach.

In all of these things, in all of these feelings, in all of this at Willow Springs, I hold fast to God's promises. I hold fast to the fact that God has already figured out all of the things that keep me from falling asleep at night, long before I even knew about them. And knowing this, here are the things I pray for, and I hope you would grant us the honor of interceding on our behalf for these things as well:

• Constant wisdom beyond what we thought we were capable of possessing
• Grace for the boys, grace for us, grace everywhere all the time.
• For laughter and joy to break through the heaviness when we need it
• Faith in God's promises despite the hopelessness of the day, should it feel hopeless

In regards to new boys, material needs, anything of the sort, I don't really have any knowledge of these things at the moment. I do know, however, that prayer is powerful, and we need it. We always need it, but our awareness of this need ebbs and flows. So, consider this my call to arms, people of prayer. Please be thinking of Willow Springs while you pray. 

Poop in the Bathtub.

I know every mom has this struggle. It's like Russian roulette except not potentially deadly, just potentially really inconvenient. You put your baby in the bathtub to clean up for bedtime, and you see it--the huge belly full of woe.

"Adeline," I say, "Please. If you feel like you need to poopoo, please tell Mommy, okay?"
"Okay."
"No, Adeline, I need you to actually know what you're saying. What are you going to say if you need to poopoo?"
"...okay."
"No, I need you to say 'MAMA! POOPOO!' as loud as you can so I can hear you while I'm cleaning your room, okay?"
"...okay."
"What are you going to say if you have to poopoo when you're in the bathtub?"
"MAMAPOOPOOOO"
"Yes, that's exactly what you say."

I go to clean her room really quickly, and hear her playing in the bathtub, undoubtedly splashing water all over the place. Water is easy to clean up, though, so who cares? As I'm putting away the last few of her toys I hear her say "Mama, Addie, Mama, Addie...(this is an echoing game she likes to play with me, except she plays it by herself a lot, too)."

Then silence for a second, then the most pitiful little "...Mama?"
I walk into the bathroom and her little significant accident is floating all around her.
"...Mama? Poopoo."
I heave a big sigh. I lay a towel on the floor to soak up the water she splashed everywhere, rinse her quickly, then sit her on it and wrap a big towel around her and ask her to wait there while I begin to clean up the mess. As I'm cleaning she reaches for me and again, in a tiny voice, "...Mama?"
"Just a minute, sweetie, Mommy has to clean the mess."
I can hear tears in it this time. "Mama?"

I turn, and--arms still open, misty eyed--she says, "Sowwy."

What kind of one and a half year old offers a sincere apology like that?! Without missing a beat I scoop up the toddler in a big, clumsy hug.

Now, I have found a parallel in this whole situation that easily lines up with a person's relationship with God, and I realize for some it may be obvious, but I still felt like it was a lesson I needed to sit, think about, write out, and share.

After the drama of the moment had passed and I sat rocking her and going through our usual bedtime routine of pointing out every animal toy or picture she can see in the room and making its sound (the monkey's sound is usually repeated at least eight times), lots of hugs complete with "AWHHH"s and nose kisses, I rocked Addie for a minute and said, "You know what, Addie? Some day when you understand that Mommy and Daddy can't clean up all of your messes, you'll learn that Jesus cleans them up for you. He cleans up Mommy's messes all the time. Let's say our goodnight prayer and thank Jesus for cleaning up our messes." Now, as crazily self-aware as her apology was for her age, at this point she can only say "Dear Dog" and "Amen" (she is going to be really confused when she finally says "God" instead of "Dog" and realizes there isn't a heavenly labradoodle watching over us), so I realize this thought went right over her head; however, I needed to say it out loud for my own sake.

How many times does the Holy Spirit move us and convict us when we are abiding by our own strength instead of His, and yet we move right along and don't ask for His guidance until we have already made a mess of things? And, when we finally look around and realize we can't clean it up, we're like, "...God?"

Although, I don't think He heaves a big, victimized sigh like I did. I think when we come to him full of sincere repentance, He does scoop us up like that. He cleans the mess we've made in our hearts, and teaches us to do the right thing, and how to wisely handle whatever consequences come our way.

If you need God's help and forgiveness, ask Him, and he will gladly give it. And don't worry, everyone poops in the bathtub at least once.

2014: In Like a Plague of Locusts, Out Like a Tornado

A year ago today, Blake and I were stuffing everything we owned into boxes and driving to Willow Springs as fast as we could legally go (or, even a tiny bit illegally). In less than 24 hours, almost all of our belongings were carried into our house here at the ranch, and we could finally breathe easy. Six months of waiting, so perfectly ended on the first day of 2014. Adeline was seven months old.

Our first two boys moved in that week, and thus began the whirlwind that was 2014 for us. Even though houseparenting is a difficult job, and there were definitely days and weeks that left us totally worn out, we were (and are) just happy to be here. Our house has been home to six boys, some for a brief time, and some still now (I wanted to say seven, but since he isn't getting here until Saturday he doesn't actually count as a 2014 resident).

I am eagerly awaiting what 2015 has in store for us. You see, 2013 was a year that started well (graduating college, Adeline being born), then became extremely difficult until the very last week, where our lives took a turn for the better. On the other hand, 2014 was a year full of hope and victory, until the very last week.

Last week our family lost our patriarch, Paul Paschall. Christmas was filled with tears for our family, as we became aware that it would be the last time Papa would be sitting with us as we opened all of our presents together. He passed away the day after Christmas, and we buried him yesterday, the last day of 2014. We grieve, but we also hope for the day we see him again. When Blake, Adeline and I got home last night, with less than an hour left of 2014, we came home to a fridge full of groceries, a clean house, and a note from our relief parents letting us know they were thinking of and praying for us. With hope and sadness Blake and I kissed 2014 goodbye.

The past year is one I will remember almost completely fondly, and that is because of Willow Springs, our Promised Land; not perfect, but promised, through which God has blessed us abundantly. It is baffling how quickly 2014 passed, and our first year as houseparents here. If I know anything of God's faithfulness, then I know 2015 will be another year full of life, however easy or difficult, and that we can trust Him either way.

"...so we cared for you. Because we loved you so much, we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well." 1 Thessalonians 2:8 (NIV)

I think this verse is becoming our family's life verse. We came to WSBR to share life with boys in need, and we have had life shared with us. This verse is the legacy that Papa left with us, as his life was full of sharing and giving of himself. Though where our giving takes place may change, we know that God has called us to give our lives to those who need the gospel. Not just our tracks or our trite church sayings, but our investment, our time, our tears.

So, on this first day of 2015, I ask you to share life with me, and with Willow Springs. Pray for this ministry. Give to this ministry. I can't promise that sharing life will be easy, but it will be full.

Here are some things you can be praying for this week:

• We have a new boy moving in this Saturday. He is in seventh grade, which brings our seventh grader total to three. Pray for him and our other three boys as they readjust to life at home and school here after being home for two weeks, after their families graciously worked with us as we spent time with our family in Texas this last week after Papa passed away. 
• Blake and I will be going on a cruise for a week, and we leave a week from this Sunday. Pray especially for Blake that he will have some well-earned relaxation after a very difficult month, and for our relief parents as they do what they do best: bless us and make our lives easier! 
• Please continue to pray for needs to be met. As of Saturday, both houses will have four boys each! Filling houses is great, but providing for the growth can be challenging. We trust that God will meet these needs; please join us in praying for this with full confidence. 

Please continue to pray for our family as we grieve and hope. Thank you, friends of Willow Springs, for sharing life with us.