Sunday, October 12, 2014

Ravings of a House Mom Who Can't Sleep Yet

Here are some of the things that are on my mind while I wait for the laundry to finish drying so I can take a well-earned bath, grab my favorite pajamas (otherwise known as the comfiest looking clothes in Blake's closet), and fall asleep.

Blake and I have been at Willow Springs for nine months. A year ago, I was spending every day doing laundry, dishes, watching daytime television, breastfeeding, and trying desperately to get Adeline to laugh so that I could distract myself from the fact that I was just...waiting. All the time. Waiting for Blake to get home from work; waiting for a phone call that said we could move in to the Liddell house or that we had a boy who was for sure coming; waiting for Adeline's next milestone so I could stop worrying when everyone mentioned how small she was (spoiler alert: she actually wasn't that small, and she is extremely healthy--wearing 18-24mo clothes, and seems like she will be closing in on 3 feet tall in no time); or, waiting to see whether or not I could afford to buy groceries soon. You see, nine months before we moved to Chandler, we were just starting this waiting game. In March we were candidates to become worship leaders at a church near Tulsa, and before that fell through, we waited for three months to hear anything after we were told they "wanted" to hire us. Obviously, in March, we were also waiting for baby Adeline to be born, as she was born May 31.

From March to January, those nine months honestly felt much longer than nine months of pregnancy. Sometimes, it really felt longer than four years of earning my degree in voice. It felt especially longer on the nights when Adeline had nothing to sleep in but her porta-crib, and on the really cold nights I would bring the only two space heaters we owned into her room, put her in her warmest pajamas, cover her with two blankets, and try to encourage myself that she still had far more than the majority of children in this world. Most of all, I repeated to myself over and over that this would pass, and that God is faithful.

This did pass, and, yes, God is more than faithful.

Tonight I am sitting in a house that is more than capable of standing through the thunderstorm that's on its way. My daughter is sleeping soundly in a crib with a mattress and everything in a room that is perfectly warm. I have three boys who, even at their worst, are the physical manifestation of months of prayers and hopes and dreams. Also, the difference in how long nine months has lasted is staggering--the nine months from January until now have gone by in the blink of an eye.

On days when being a house mom gets pretty hectic, and I feel like I am firing on all cylinders, I remember all that waiting. I remember that I much prefer feeling spent from pouring out everything in me than feeling restless.

If you feel you have been waiting for entirely too long, my heart breaks for you. I understand this feeling. My hope and prayer is that you could feel the Holy Spirit's nearness to you in this time, and that you would be strengthened by the assurance that this too shall pass, and God is faithful. Also, whatever you are waiting for, whatever vision or promise God has given you, is worth the wait. Future self, who will undoubtedly find herself waiting for something again, do you hear me? God did it, and He will do it again.

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