Thursday, April 21, 2016

Da Real MVR (Most Valuable Renovator)

Upon reading another of my posts, Blake raised a valid point: "You make me sound like some kind of super awesome fixer upper miracle worker," to which I responded with perhaps an even more valid point:

"I'm a truth-teller, darling."

I love telling stories. I love language; I love talking with my hands way too much; I love that feeling of anticipation that starts in the pit of my stomach as I begin telling a story and look forward to delivering the one-liner, plot twist, or whatever it is that will elicit a reaction from whoever my audience is at the moment. I can be just as wrapped up in a story about a person's journey through a tumultuous time in their lives as I would a well-expressed, comedic version of my brother-in-law Caleb's experience at the Apple store. There's something magical in storytelling, the way it transports someone to a different place with you for a moment. While fables are obviously entertaining and can certainly reveal just as much truth as reality, I am obsessed with creative non-fiction. It feels deliciously philosophical to me. Not only is the author paying attention to what is going on around him or her, but paying such close attention that they are able to find an artistic, thoughtful, and creative way to express their observations. This is a goal that I am working toward, and I am exercising these creative-nonfiction muscles through our renovation journey. This is why I'm the blogger, not the builder.

My story-telling has generated much more of an audience than I anticipated (and probably more than I deserve, but I don't want to be so self-deprecating as to convince you to stop reading, so let's ignore this observation), and in the conversations Blake and I have had with those of you who read this blog, he graciously joins in on the generous compliments you all give me regarding my writing. He beams and subtly stares at me with the same look of adoration that has made me altogether giddy and nervous as he has since we were eighteen. In response to this praise that I am truly humbled and grateful to receive, I feel the need to further express what I know to be true: Blake's the real hero in our fixer upper story.

So, without further ado, I bring you a kitchen status update in conjunction with reasons I believe Blake to be a better superhero than Superman or Batman, so we can just give that debate a rest already.

Things Blake Knows How To Do* That No Man I Ever Met Before Can Do:**
  • Install electrical for a previously non-existent outlet/light switch/light fixture.
  • Fix plumbing
  • Fix gas work
  • Build desks 
  • Build anything other than a social media account
  • Completely demolish and repair ceilings and walls
  • Tile perfectly
  • Know what everything is called, what is needed to fix it, and how to fix it just by staring at it for a minute or two
  • Tools. Just. So overwhelming.
  • Where electrical wires and pipes and various things lead in a house when they disappear into the wall far beyond what I care to comprehend
  • Crawl under a house and fix things that I have no idea are things
  • Install windows
  • Literally anything (and no, I don't mean figuratively and happen to be incorrectly using "literally," I literally have not found anything he hasn't been able to do)

This list is not meant to make other men feel inadequate; I'm just giving credit where credit is due, guys. I also take no responsibility for man-crushes that may be developing for Blake at this point, as I have learned it is futile to resist this inevitable outcome long ago.

*Regarding fixer uppers; an exhaustive list of things Blake knows how to do would be a little ridiculous to write, and even more so to read (because it would take such a long time that he would probably figure out a more efficient way to describe his expertise before you had read even a quarter of the list. It would also probably be color coded and perfectly organized and available for download via some Google app I don't know exists).
**To clarify, I have since met guys who could do some things on this list, but not all of the things on this list. Also, my dad does not count toward this list, because as everyone knows, Dads don't go in the "Guys" list.

Blake Builds Me Things

These legs are so beautiful I cannot stop staring. Also, it's desk legs so you can stop thinking that last sentence was creepy.

I know you've seen this picture on FB and Insta, but as if the desk wasn't enough Blake took a picture of me that I like, which every lady knows is borderline miraculous. Hence, another appearance.

Blake has a desk he built for himself a while back out of a cleverly divided piece of plywood. It's large, perfectly organized, and extremely useful. When he isn't home, I sneakily use his desk so I can feel perfectly organized. The problem is, I am neither sneaky nor as organized, so I always get caught. I promised him that when we eventually had room and budget for my own desk, I would gladly accept any desk to call my own so I would no longer have to commandeer his. He found a video tutorial for a desk, tweaked the plans slightly, and for $25 and a few hours of his time just whipped this up for me. You know, like it was easy. 

Blake Gets Things Done

Blake is currently the Director of Jacobs Ladder Camps and Retreats, Worship Leader at New Life Bible Church in Norman, we're doing relief at the boys' ranch, and he is in nursing school. Not to mention, he is excelling at all of these things (because Blake Compton doesn't do anything halfway). While he may not be starting full time nursing school until August, that's still four jobs, people. In spite of all of this, however, he is building our kitchen. I finally got to help him do a little mudding on the drywall, but beyond this he has worked on the kitchen entirely by himself. Also, he threw away two dead mice for me. So, this is love. <3

Blake Is Really, Really Ridiculously Good Looking

I realize I would be considered biased on this one, but statistically, you agree with me.

Blake Doesn't Like Social Media Attention

Sorry, darling, but this is journalism. Or something close.

Blake Will Insist That I Am Over-Selling Him

Statistically, I am not over-selling him. I'm just reporting the facts, everyone.

Blake is currently sweeping sanded mud-dust off of the walls, and guess what everyone? In the next day or two, I'm going to do what every okayest fixer-upper does best: I'M GONNA KILZ SOME WALLS. AND MAYBE PAINT THEM LATER, PENDING BLAKE APPROVAL. Then we are going to see some actual, real-life, apparent kitchen transformation. It's really happening! SEE YOU SOON!

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